A wispy kind of day.

Every day is a wispy day for Isaac. He has the sweetest cowlick in the back of his head that refuses to lay down, except right after bath. I hope he has it forever. Swoon.

Sweet, sweet boy.

He rolls.

On May 20, three days shy of his three month birthday, my sweet little man rolled over from back to front. It was so nonchalant I had no idea it was coming. When we'd do tummy time he would flirt with flipping over but never would. So it was much to my surprise to catch him in the act.  Now he can hardly contain himself. Even when he's tired and had enough. He. Must. Keep. Rolling. I have included (I think) my first ever video on this blog. Probably because I sound ridiculous; I beg you to ignore the high, excited voice that's eight octaves above normal. Thanks for indulging me and an even bigger thanks, or congratulations, if you made it through all 20 seconds of the Isaac show.

We had a baby. #waylaterblog

I'd love to go back and bore you with the happenings of life the last few months, but that would require more time and brain power than I possess. However, I'd be remiss if I failed to mention the following: we had a baby, bought a house, lead a conference for 550 people and celebrated the second anniversary of our 29th birthdays. Not necessarily in that order, but nevertheless we've been busy. Not to mention farming is back in full swing and unless it rains, our potential wheat crop is looking quite bleak #farmlifeprobz.

John Isaac Franklin, who we call Isaac (another story for another day), was born February 23 weighing a measly 9lbs 6oz. He's almost three months old and I can hardly believe or stand it. Where does the time go?! Seriously. People said it would fly and I would politely smile but now I get it. I also "get" the great lengths one will go to get (and keep) their baby to sleep. I "get" why you only know one speed when it comes to eating meals: FAST. I "get" why people say to enjoy each stage because they don't last very long. There are so many "gets" it's humbling and a little embarrassing. We love our little man.

He's generally smiley, happy and (like his dad) gassy. Isaac meet the blog. Blog meet Isaac.

#kfbyfr14

Tim and I are currently beginning our second and final year of service on the state YF&R committee (sad face). Last year I wrote about our first conference planning experience, and now we're gearing up again for 2014 in 12 short days!

Here are just some of the highlights for this year:

• Collegiate Farm Bureau luncheon on Friday with Miss Kansas Theresa Vail
• Game Show Road Show Fabulous Feud hosted by the Voice of the K-State Wildcats, Dave Lewis
• Opening keynote by Charlie Arnot of the Center for Food Integrity, followed by a 2-part Engage training breakout
• Expanded trade show opportunities for more time between vendors and our YF&Rs
• Workshop hosted by international cover crop expert Dave Brandt from Ohio's Walnut Creek Seeds, LLC
• Saturday "Vision Web" breakout and Sunday morning keynote from New Mexico ag leader Matt Rush
• Chris Cakes is back for some more stellar fun flippin' pancakes!

KSU Quiz Bowl Winners, 2013 

Dessert Bar at Flint Hills Discovery Center, 2013

This event and organization has grown to mean so much to me because of the impact it has on our profession thereby affecting our livelihood. We had record-breaking attendance last year with over 530 people gathered from across the state; and this year we're expecting a similar turnout. Where else can you meet with and learn from so many others with whom you share so much. 

I'll report back in a couple weeks to tell you how it goes- it's sure to be no fail fun. As long as I don't go into early labor. Which isn't to say that wouldn't be fun, but it's not part of my birth plan and we just can't have that. 

I'm thankful.

Corn harvest is hopefully wrapping up this week for the Franklins. We're going on almost a month, thanks to some much needed moisture, and I am giddy with excitement to see it all out of the fields. This year was not necessarily a bumper crop, but given that we are still in a drought, we are thankful and blessed to have the harvest we did. When you rely on Mother Nature for a good part of your livelihood, you see your definition of successes and failures change. Certain events on our farm are controlled by us and we're held accountable for how well the crops perform, based on our preparation and execution. Then there are the events where you give up all control, give it to God and say, "please let it rain. please let it snow. please let it do anything but hail."

So today I'm thankful we have any corn at all. I'm thankful for my husband and in-laws who worked tirelessly to get it all picked. I'm thankful for their safety. I'm thankful for Tim's cousin who came down to help. And I'm sure that everybody's thankful I'm preparing one of their last ham sandwiches with cheese and miracle whip. Amen.

Back in the saddle. Again.

Nothing like a month-late "National Talk Like a Pirate Day" post to bring someone out of the blog abyss. Nevertheless, I thought my dad's efforts should not go unnoticed- especially since he earned a dozen free donuts from Krispy Kreme.

That's commitment. Something both he and Ben Affleck share.

Good job, Dad. Maybe next year, I'll go with you...

On miscarriage: one year later.

This post has been written and re-written in my head so many times before today. While by far the most personal thing shared on this blog, it is part of our journey- our story and I want it told.

It is now a year ago today that we learned I was pregnant. I had gone for my yearly exam and much to my surprise, had a phone call a couple hours later with the news that would forever change our life. Tim and I had prayed for and loved this child, long before its existence. An ultrasound just a couple days later showed us a 6-week, 4-day-old little Franklin. All seemed well and good throughout the coming weeks, other than an aversion to lots of smells and fruit, which I happily endured. When we went in for an appointment at 13 weeks, all continued to look and sound good (as we thought we’d heard the heartbeat.) First trimester, check. It was only a few days following that appointment that I started spotting. It was confirmed a day later that I had in fact miscarried. And the hard truth was, our baby’s gestational size read 8 weeks, meaning life had been lost 5 weeks prior- only two weeks after learning we were pregnant. Shocking.  And despite the best of intentions, the completion of my miscarriage was not happening on its own. The weekly blood work consistently showed lowering amounts of estrogen levels, but never to zero. And so determined my need for surgery.

The thing about experiencing a miscarriage is there are always milestones to mark the journey. Dates. The day you find out you’re pregnant (May 4); your due date (Dec. 27); the day you learn you have miscarried (June 21); the day of your D&C (July 19). No matter how hard you try, these dates are written on your heart and you can’t forget. And you don’t want to forget, as if forgetting will somehow diminish your loss.

But there’s also a time for healing and moving forward. The thing is, I kept looking toward the next “well, when” and waiting for time to help heal me: Well, when we hit our due date, I can finally start to heal. Well, when I can get through ___________, things will be better. And that’s where God has been teaching me (read: lovingly correcting) lately that while He may use time to heal our wounds, He is the ultimate Healer; and in order for that to happen I have to cling. Cling to Him. Cling to His promise to never leave or forsake me. Cling to Truths that tell me He is always good, always right and always loving. And Beth Moore maybe explains it best to my heart in her Breaking Free study, “Our Bridegroom sometimes leads us to difficult places, but we can trust Him always to have purpose in our stay and never to forsake us. Remember, Christ can’t lead us somewhere He refuses to go.” I know that can be a hard thing to hear, and on some days it still is for me. But I believe it to be true and I cling.

There are surely parts I’d like to forget and feelings I’d be ok to never have to feel again; but I want to remember God’s faithfulness, His provision and the way only He can bring us through.